Non-Connectivity
Temperment: Irritated
Days Left Til Mercer Return:4
Record: "99 with and Anchor" by A Thorn for Every Heart

I have spent like 95% of the summer INSIDE the house. Since Dad left I've been inside Downloading music for the great long as haul that will be a limewire less 4 months and reading the new Harry Potter book (very slowly I might add because I keep getting interrupted).

So I go outside today to go pick up my contacts and to get the oil changed in the Jeep and my phone explodes. I'm talking sounds I didnt even know it could make. Apparently I have missed 6 calls from Quita, 5 from Junior, 4 from Jonnell, 2 from Daniel, 1 from Peter. Which irked me...because God onlyu knows how far back theses calls go.

Then came the text messages I swear I broke the bank because I had like 5 from Quita, 6 from Junior,3 from Jonnell, and 5 from Kato...not including doubles and the ones that cingular snuck inthere trying to get me to buy something. I had to keep deleteing stuff to make room for more.

So I stay outside and try to call all these people back but the only one I find is Peter, who was on a Mission.

This irritaes me because well ontop of the cell phone not working inside the house it has also picked up this nasty habbit of when I plug it into charge at night it doesnt charge or it tells me that its full when it has 1 bar.

If the computer worked properly I wouldnt have minded. But the internet acts up all the time. It kicks me off ever half an hour at least. As a mater of fact I've been typing all e-mails and blog entries in word pad lately to make sure it doen't get lost!

So I kinda stopped getting online except at night. Then when I do sign in MSN is evil and has somehow gotten it into its head that I want to appear offline when I sign in. So I changed that and if I get bumped and it reconnects by itself it leaves me as offline. I took off Yahoo a while back because no one really uses that one. Plus I really dont like AIM, its kinda plain bt...it seems that it works the most consistently.

Needless to say since the only thing that works it the TV (which I dont like ) I've been watching a lot of that--watched Chicago like 6 times and have seen more Julia Roberts movies than I care to say....if they would just show Original Sin or Unfaithful that many times in a month....I want to see Original Sin again....

Anyway that was my rant of nothing works and I cant wait to be back at school with stable internet.

Painful Kindness and Consideration
Temperment: Hurt
Days Left Til Mercer Return:10
Record: "Memorial Address ~take 2 version~" by Ayumi Hamasaki

I remember I went to sleep late that night feeling uneasy
And had a very sad dream
The phone started to ring in the morning, breaking the silence
And the premonition became a reality
Leaving an unfading scar on my heart
You became a star by yourself


The Car ride is silent. I can't help but wish I was anywhere but there. It's hard to breathe hard to swallow hard to do anything but just walk with everyone else.

The automatic doors slide open with a whisper and we enter walking toward the counter. An old man come up to us and takes my brother and I aside. He asks if we'd like refreshmants my brother gladly accepts I say no thank you and try and push past but the old man grabs my arm.

Sayonara --- You have gone to the place where we can never meet again
I can't accept the coldness of the eternal parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That I had certainly been loved by you
Only once, even if it had been a lie

"It would mean so much to us if you'd take something."

I can feel my mouth turn into an impacient line but force it into a slight smile and accep a Coke.

They're so far away. I take my brother and met them again. I hand him the Coke, I can't drink it and he loves them. We wait. Things happen.

The sorrow I had thought to be endless came to an end
The season has changed, I feel bitterly cold
I will never forget that first day of summer
The sky kept on weeping instead of me this year
I feel as if I were living in the continuation of the dream
And I can't even cry now

We take the elscalator up and walk to something reminisant of a sunroom. An indoor park...metal chairs and tables, potted trees. People moving. We walk forward and an old woman stops us.

"God bless you," she says to him.

My throat tightens and I can't help but hate the woman a little. I walk forward alone as he thanks her. We stand in line. No one says much but we're all so close togehter. An old woman taps him on the shoulder.

"Thank you," is all she says.

He returns the thank you and I bite my lip and whipe my nose. Applause break out. A hundred people simulanteously break out in applause, whistles, and cheers. My eyes water and I clear my throat.

We finally sit down..but only for a moment. I sit there looking at his shoes. I dont know what to say or how to act or anything. I open my mouth but the moment is gone. He gets up and so do I. He kisses my forehead and says I love you.

Tears come and I start to sob. I'm so angry. I feel so robbed. I just want to tear down the sky and end the whole world. I'm always the one that cries first, no matter what he never cries...he stands there and shh's me and I feel so small. Then by the time I can see clearly again he's waving good bye.
Sayonara --- Even my last words don't reach you
I'm made to realize the coldness of the parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That you never regretted the days we had spent together
Only once, even if it had been a lie

I rest my hand against the glass and watch the plane. I have the most random thought. We watched a movie the day before. A girl's dad is killed and someone asks if she needs to be told because "there was no love between them." An older man responds "Kin folk are funny about such things...go let her know."

Why did you do it this way
Leaving memories only to the very end?

I hate airports...hospitals...and other points of parting....too many good byes.

Sayonara --- You have gone to the place where we can never meet again
I can't accept the coldness of the eternal parting
I wish I could have heard from you
That I had certainly been loved by you
Only once, even if it had been a lie

We leave before the plane takes off and dont speak on much.

And I just want to tear down the sky.

Please tell me this is only the story of the continuing dream
And that I'm not yet awake

Long ASs Blog Entry about NOthing
Temperment: Hyper
Days Left Til Mercer Return:11
Record: "ANGEL'S SONG" by Ayumi Hamasaki

7-29-05

Well things on the home front have been not so bad. Of course I think it's because of my mother's masterfully planned effort to keep us all out of the house. We went to Flordia because my dad had to visit some guy who was busy and thus that didnt get done and.my mom made a suggestion so the trip wouldnt be a waste. My mom was like well we'll be right there why dont we go to Disney. So my dad is like aww that will be nice. And for some reason which part of Disney we go to falls to me to decide. So I go the way of the true nerd...I choose Epicot for its cultural zone.
So we go and do that and my dad and I have a few lovely standoffs my mom tells me to just keep quiet and stop ruining the trip. So I spend the rest of the day walking 3 steps behind my family. And it dawned on me that I REALLY REALLY dont belong witht hese people. I have no idea where I'm suppose to be...but it's not with them. Anyway so I'm like yes tomorrow we'll go home. No dice my mom "finds" a coupon to go to universal studios...for 2 days.

Can you fuckin believe that shit. So another 2 days in Florida in the sun...being/not being with my family.

So after that I'm like yes we're going home...no dice

This crazy woman has another coupon....for free entrance into sea world...son of a bitch...

so then the NEXT Day we finally go home.

We've been at home for 3 days...and well lol the fighting hasnt stopped. Me because I have my iPod (apple from the dessert baby...dad got it off the Black market--my old Mp3 player was destroyed in a fridge accident with my aunts....yea....kinda sucked....I was going old school with like a CD player :P heaven forbid)ben for playing video games all day and my mom...I dont even know what. Now the trio (mom ben and me) we're pretty live and let live. But it got so bad that my mom and me got into it....over nothing. Dead serious it was over nothing. We even talked about it in the car when we were alone--what were we yelling about...I dont know...great...

So today...we're going to Atlanta...because my dad wants to see a ball game with friends....My iPod and I have become good good friends ^^ So good that I have pics of my friends for some of the songs that remind me of them or that I just fell like having....it;s like 85% Jonnell (2Cds worth of pics of her) and 10% Jun (1 pic used for 9 tracks--Belanova um hello who else would I use) and 5% Kato( 2 tracks 1 pic or him ona turtle....poor turtle)....because I dont have pics small enough of you others :P I was thinking of editing this really cute on f the group so that way I'll have some of everyone...I'm haveing a hard time picing Peter pics....ANYWAYthanks to the iPod...I finally got around to organizing my CDs ^^

So yeah...we're going......now...like right now...so I'm going to paste this into a txt. thing and post it whenever I get back

-------------------------------August 2nd ness

^^ FINALLY HOME TO STAY! THANK YOU GOD!

I noe have 2 days to deposite my last check from work study...I've been hiding so as not to use it. I also get to roll the family piggy bank...my mom was picking up Ben's games and realized how many several hundred dollars were there and decided that I could have the family piggy bank...which maybe will have...$100 in it...if I'm lucky...W00T that's like 60% of a school book...

Anyway people started shopping for my birthday gifts SUPER EARLY this year...I mean people are like e-mailing me taunts. I even get taunt snail mail and no one will give up what they bought. It's kinda irritating in a good way.

Quita's blog is on a template from blogger...lol I hope she doesnt think I made that...lol i love you Q ^^

I finally got a around to getting a bootleg of Ayu's Memorial Address CD. ::huggles CD:: Angle's song and Memorial Address ~take 2 version~ on on like a perpetual loop on my iPod. I'm trying to steal as much music as possible before school starts because of the Mercer firewall doesnt let Limewire in. Since I've been home I think I've pulled down like 20 CDs.

I'm rambeling about nothing...and I dont mind because I havent said much in almost 2 weeks so it's good to just go on and on. Also I ranted in a letter to a friend about all the heavy stuff on my mind ^^

For those of you that have written me and havent gotten responses well you sould get one in the next 3 days.

Um...::holds up sign:: Just 11 more days guys! Can't wait to be hungery and penniless again with Q and Billy and with my new buddy Kato ^^ Oh the sheer struggle will be bliss. ^^

Kim

PS Quita....I got a vacum and I'm working on a shower curtain toilet bowl brush and well you have freakin everything already I'm kinda stumped as to what else to bring....you brining a TV because lol I dont think I have one ^^ Anyway we'll figure it out later...ramble ramble ::Explode::